Our first video clip on YouTube for Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing.
Ok, so it’s in Japanese, but the video is still great.
Will be posting the english version shortly.
httpv://youtube.com/watch?v=MT8laAK6GJI
Some audio taken tonight.
I know it sounds like it, but I’m not trying to drown my son.
The latest noise to come out of Joshua’s mouth.
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Stress Buster No. 17
Work fewer hours
Research shows that we can work at 100% efficiency for 45 hours a week. In the next 10 hours worked, efficiency drops by 50%, and for hours after that efficiency is only 25%.
Q. What is white and big and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree?
A. A refrigerator
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.”
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. “Who are you?” “I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered. “Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where were you when I got married?”
An elderly couple were attending a church service. About half way through she leans over and says to her husband “I just let out a silent f a r t what do you think I should do?” He replies “Put a new battery in your hearing aid”.
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.” –Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts
“I ain’t saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned over and pushed me.” –Unknown
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. – WH Auden
Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.
“Ach, it’s all going grand,” says Jock. “I’ve got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night…”
Archie nods approvingly.
“Havens, I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in!” continues Jock.
“A kilt?” exclaims Archie, “that’s braw; you’ll look pure smart in that!”
“And what’s the tartan?” Archie then enquires.
Och,” says Jock, “I’d imagine she’ll be in white…”
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn’t paid for them yet. Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.
So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year…namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo”! ! (I told him). “It’s been a year”!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just Hung up…he hasn’t called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.
Bet he won’t underestimate my intelligence again.
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.” The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.” He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?” He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in the world but we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration
A co-worker told George that George’s wife was being unfaithful everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with George’s best friend. Worried and hurt, George ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true.
He came back to the office contented and relieved.
His co-worker asked him how it went.
“Look,” said George. “Don’t start such terrible rumors! That guy isn’t my best friend…I don’t even know him.”
“Every year Uncle Earl has a special fireworks show he puts on for the family. It’s exciting. And every year about three-quarters through the show I have to say the same thing, ‘Okay, pick up his fingers and pack them in ice.’” –Dave Letterman
“A group of people here in California are fighting for the right for women to be able to sunbathe topless in California. The name of this group… guys.” –Jay Leno
Stress Buster No. 16
Healthy Snacks
Leaving it too long between meals can cause bad moods and headaches. Nutritious snacks include: natural yoghurt with fresh fruit, bananas, nuts, whole grain biscuits with low fat cheese and a mug of hot soup.
“Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?”
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer: “OK.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
An old Indian was asked what his wife’s name was. “Wife Name – Three Horse.”
"That’s an unusual name for your wife – Three Horse – What does it mean?"
"It’s old Indian name means…. Nag – Nag – Nag"
This is real!! I had to share it!
A staff member in Christchurch was due to go on his health and safety course today but it’s postponed as the trainer has had an accident!
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see Closed for the Winter.
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a Really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day She took it to a repair shop. The owner saw that she was a blonde, so He decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees And started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a Little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her And asked, “What are you doing?”
The first blonde told her how the Repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.”
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. ” I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?” The Irishman nodded…”I’ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t’aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.”
“From the hunger, you mean?” “No, from the skippin”, the Irishman said.
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter.
The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!
Where on earth did you get that?” says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says…”Here. Rub it.”
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.
“I will grant you one wish. Just one wish…each person is allowed only one!”
The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks!” A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming! The bartender turns to the man and says, “Y’know, I think your genie’s a little deaf…I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”
“Tell me about it!!” says the man… “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department.
One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it. Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?” The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team but the girl who plants the trees called in sick today.”
My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.
The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter piped up, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?”
Harry teed up, addressed his ball and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face. He dropped like a rock!
Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious, and with the ball lying between his feet.
“Oh my God!,” exclaimed Harry, “what should we do?”
“I’m not sure.” said his partner. “But don’t move him! If we just leave him here he’s an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies, or drop it two club lengths away without penalty.”
John: “I’m a man of few words.”
Bill: “I’m married, too.”
Q. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A. So they can stand closer to the stove.
As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors.
On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends.
The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe’s leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence.
But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost!
You can imagine he was put off of tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. All the posters came down, the toys were given away – tractors were GONE.
Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own.
Tears were streaming down her face.
Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.
With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke.
He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again.
He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.
“That was amazing!” she said, “How did you do that?”
“No problem”, said Joe, “I’m an ex-tractor fan”
Here’s a bright way to save around $650 off you electricity bill
Throughout July and August, Shell in partnership with local company Energy Mad, will be running one of the largest energy saving initiatives ever undertaken in New Zealand as we aim to get 1 million energy saving light bulbs into Kiwi homes.
By replacing the five most used standard bulbs in your home with Ecobulbs, you could save up to $6501 in electricity over the life of the five bulbs as they used 80% less power and last 10 times longer! Even higher savings can be achieved if more Ecobulbs are used.
During the promotion, customers will be entitled to purchase 5 Ecobulbs for $10 at participating Shell outlets by presenting the bar-coded voucher.
Simply print off the voucher shown below and take it into any participating SHell service station between 2 July and 2 September 2007 to take advantage of the offer.
Feel free to send this link to friends and family so they can use the voucher to purchase their Ecobulbs.
1 Based on replacing 5 x 100 watt standard bulbs with 5 x 10,000 hour average life 20 watt Ecobulbs used 3 hours per day costing 18c/kWh.
For more info, visit www.ecobulb.co.nz
Welcome to the personal website of Adrian Hodge. I'm a web designer/developer living in Rotorua, New Zealand. Married with two lovely kids, I have a love of motorcycles and gadgets. During the day I'm an Application Developer for Rotorua District Council and after hours I run Hodgeman Web & Design.
