Ever wanted to board a 50+ foot luxury catamaran and sail around Rotorua’s third largest lake?
Well, now thanks to Pure Cruise in Rotorua you can.
This morning, half the staff from my office including myself were lucky enough to get a famil on the luxury 53 foot catamaran that cruises Lake Rotoiti.
A hallway in my house needed more light so I decided to install one of those lights activated by movement. So off I went to the lighting shop and told the helpful assistant that I needed ‘a motion detector for my back passage’.
There was a pause and then she cracked up.
A Zen master once said to me, "Do the opposite of whatever I tell you." So I didn’t.
"My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He prescribed a strong placebo, but I don’t think it’s working." -Fred Marcum
A short story…
The big bad wolf said “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down”. The little pig said “piss off or I’ll sneeze on you”.
A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.
"Is the mother friendly?" my aunt asked.
"Very," said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. "That’s how we got into this mess in the first place."
I telephoned the veterinarian’s office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten’s name?"
"Demon", I replied.
"Demon? That’s an odd name," she said.
"Maybe, but it’s appropriate anyway."
I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato is Spanish for ‘male cat’ (which), Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?"
"Yes, it is."
"You really don’t like cats, do you?"
My late mother was too much of a lady to tell anyone they were a liar or a bulls&^t artist when telling a tall one, so she would say, "How dare you insinuate that I should tolerate such diabolical nonsense or is your mental capacity insufficiently developed to comprehend such bombastic phraseology"?. It took me years to wake up to what she was on about.
SHE The stars are really shining bright tonight and look so beautiful don’t they.
HE Darling ,I’m not in a position to say.
"A survey has found that 26 percent of people admit to texting while driving. The other 74 percent admitted to texting while being hit by a car." -Jimmy Fallon
People change politicians for the same reason they change nappies
My wife said “Watcha doin’ today?” I said “Nothing” She said, “You did that yesterday” I said “I wasn’t finished.”
Mr. White, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl’s school, asked during class, "Miss Smith, would you name the organ in the human body, which under the appropriate con- ditions, expands to six times it’s normal size, and define the conditions."
Miss Smith gasped, then said snottily, "Mr. White, I don’t think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." With that, she sat down
red- faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. White called on Miss Jones, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with complete composure replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. White. "Now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you: one, you have not studied the chapter I assigned. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
A doctor struck up a conversation with a hard-working 75 year old farmer while suturing a mean cut on the old man’s leathery hand. Eventually the topic got around to Prime Minister Rudd. The old fella said, "Well, you know, Rudd is a ‘post turtle.’" Unfamiliar with the term, the doctor asked him what he meant. The old man replied, "When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle.’"
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued: "You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, and he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, and you just wonder what kind of complete moron put him up there to begin with."
"Maybe every other American movie shouldn’t be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where every problem can be solved with violence." –Bill Maher
"My parents told me, ‘Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.’ I tell my daughters, ‘Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.’" -Thomas Friedman
A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After ex plaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’ Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
Today is the second anniversary of my employment at Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing as the Web Development Co-ordinator.
It’s been a busy year,
French: rotoruaNZ.fr
Spanish: rotoruaNZ.es
German: rotoruaNZ.de
Website widget: rotoruanz.com/resources/widget/
Trade website: rotoruaNZ.com/trade
Secure operator area: rotoruanz.com/operator/
Deals of the month: rotoruanz.com/deals/
Hugh Hefner April Fools campaign: rotoruanz.com/aprilfools
Plenty of Luging with Joshua at Skyline Skyrides
12,000 ft Skydive
Melbourne Cup at Agroventures
Volcanic Air Safaris helicopter ride
Volcanic Air Safaris float plane ride
Rotorua Duck Tours ride
Theres plenty more in the pipeline for the upcoming year.
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’.
Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’. Customer: ‘OK’. Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’. Customer: ‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK.
Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’ Customer:
‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’. Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’ Caller: ‘Yes.
That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’
What do you call a Woolworths that has burnt down?
Coals.
If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu, ignore it …………it’s just spam
Three hicks were working on a telephone tower – Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve’s wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
"Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’."
She said, "No, I’m not a widow!"
And I said, "I bet you a case of beer you are."
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions,’ he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’
He turned to the third Mom, Kathy: ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’
At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Lets pick Willy up from school and go home.
‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage
One morning a crippled man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
"Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his back over by the holy water," the boy informed him.
"At the White House the other night, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a night of poetry and music featuring musicians, authors and poets, to which President Bush said, ‘Now, that’s torture.’" –Jay Leno
Although desperate to find work, I passed up a job I found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."
A child’s prayer
Dear God, Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy’s computer…… Amen
"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life–so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." –Matt Cartmill
An echidna trained to scuttle from guest to guest makes an unusual mobile cheese, kabana and pineapple cube nibble dispenser at cocktail parties.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime.
Crime doesn’t pay. So if you keep studying you’ll go broke!
A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’ ‘Really,’ answered the neighbour . ‘What kind is it?’ ‘Twelve thirty.’
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
Checking the WordPress for iPhone app on my iPod Touch tonight I was happily surprised to finally see it working.
There was some XML error message I used to get while trying to connect to my WordPress blogs.
So this is officially my first blog post on adrianhodge.com from my iPod Touch On my lounge room couch.
Isn’t technology wonderful?
Welcome to the personal website of Adrian Hodge. I'm a web designer/developer living in Rotorua, New Zealand. Married with two lovely kids, I have a love of motorcycles and gadgets. I work for Destination Rotorua Tourism Marketing during the day and run Hodgeman Web & Design after hours.
