#girlongirl #ftw RT @MehulChhagan: glad i tuned into the last five minutes of #shortystreet # I just ousted Dj T. as the mayor of Ali Baba's Tunisian Cuisine on @foursquare! http://t.co/C0H4RICe # this one's for you @damianste http://t.co/vPhOAN8r # Enjoy this week's fabulous #FridayFunnies http://t.co/THJaNxjc #jokes #humor #comedy # What do you see? @ Rotorua [...]
in reply to MicheCaldwell #"It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn’t pretend to care about you." -Jay Leno
Traveling is a major part of my wife’s job as a saleswoman, and it’s not unheard-of for her to visit four or five cities in one week.
I hadn’t thought too much of it until she returned wiped out from her last long business trip. As her head hit the pillow, she sighed, "It’s so nice to be sleeping in my own bed, with my own husband."
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, ‘My mom has some of those, but I don’t think she knows how to use them..’
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, ‘Dad, I know babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?’ After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, ‘You don’t have to make up something, Dad. It’s okay if you don’t know the answer.’
I returned from my normal round of golf late last Sunday and my wife asked me why I had been so long. "All was fine "I said "until at the 11th hole, Fred had a cardiac arrest and died on the spot." "That’s terrible" my wife said.
"No kidding. For the rest of the round it was a case of hit a shot, drag Fred, hit a shot, drag Fred".
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while … then said, "You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks … "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said … "Oh, that’s so lovely … What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I’m Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles..
"Police officers say that because of the economy, more thieves are stealing petrol from parked cars. Victims said they hadn’t felt that robbed since they put the petrol INTO their car." -Jimmy Fallon
A friend once complained to my sister about the difficulties contained in child rearing, especially the lack of peace and quiet rest.
"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," my sister suggested.
So my sister’s friend bought a playpen. A few days later, my sister called to ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can’t believe it," she replied. "I get in the pen with a good book and the kids don’t bother me one bit!"
Two asparagus are walking down the road when one is hit by a car. The other goes in the ambulance with his friend, sits in the emergency room, waits for some news.
A doctor comes to him. "I have good news and bad news. The good news – he’ll make a full recovery. The bad news – he’ll be a vegetable for life."
Two overweight middle-aged women are on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older, something with which all you youths must deal eventually.
One woman complained that she remained an ‘apple-shape’ and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay.
Her buddy agreed, saying, "It’s true. The lard works in mysterious ways."
A buddy of mine works in an office where a computer going down causes quite an inconvenience.
Recently, one of the computers not only crashed, it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.
"This computer has flat-lined!" a co-worker called out with mock horror. "Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
After a busy day commuters settled down on their train train trip home, when a chap hauled out his mobile and loudly started up:- "Hi darling it’s Peter, I’m on the train – yes, I know it’s the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting – no, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss no darling you’re the only one in my life – yes, I’m sure, cross my heart" etc.
This was still going on after many minutes , when the young woman opposite, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice, "Hey, Peter, turn that bloody phone off and come back to bed!"
Q. What do you call a Greek parachutist?
A. Con Descending.
Q: Why did the leper baseball pitcher retire?
A: He threw his arm out.
Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A: A Roaming Catholic.
Q: Why didn’t Superman know he could fly?
A: Because he didn’t know his "Cape Abilities"
Q: How do you catch a rabbit?
A: Hide in a bush and make a noise like a Carrot.
Q: What is hairy and coughs?
A: A coconut with a cold.
Q: Why did the cowboy ride his horse?
A: Because it was too heavy to carry.
Welcome to the personal website of Adrian Hodge. I'm a web designer/developer living in Rotorua, New Zealand. Married with two lovely kids, I have a love of motorcycles and gadgets. During the day I'm an Application Developer for Rotorua District Council and after hours I run Hodgeman Web & Design.
