The Fabulous Friday Funnies

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend, "That’s us in 10 years."
She said, "That’s a mirror, you fool!"

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We’re short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can’t give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’"

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

”Working in customer service at Vision Australia, I received a call from a lady who said she had been diagnosed with something that sounded like ‘immaculate conception’,”
writes Jane, of Enfield. ”After some discussion, we agreed that it was probably macular degeneration, a leading cause of vision loss for people aged over 75. After further discussion about the services we could provide, she agreed to call me back after she talked to her ‘optimist’.

Then there are the calls about the blind dogs … ”

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

On our way to Perth we dropped Toby off at the kennels (where he was born).

Both Toby’s mum and dad live there and there was also another younger dog that looked exactly like Toby.

Kris commented "That dog looks just like Toby"

The owner replied "Yes, that’s Toby’s half-brother".

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘Maggie – put your hat and coat on, lassie.’

She replied, ‘Awe Jock that’s nice – are you takin’ me tae da pub with you?’

‘Nay, Jock replied, I’m switchin’ da heat off while I’m oot.’