The Fabulous Friday Funnie

True story

I was teaching my class a Christmas song when all their eyes suddenly looked under the table behind me. I couldn’t believe I was looking at two identical lizards about 30cm ( 1 foot) long. One appeared to be doing push-ups and the other was walking in circles.
"Look, they’re dancing to the music!" one boy yelled. Everyone laughed.

I chased the lizards out carefully with a book and attempted to continue my lesson but noticed that one little boy seemed really upset.
"Now they have to find somewhere else to finish their date," he wailed. Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnie

Harry William Southwick

Welcome to the world Harry!

Today, viagra Thursday the 15th of October, 2009 at just after midday, my sister, Christine Hodge gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
Congratulations goes out to her, father Staf and his bigger brother Edward.

Name: Harry William Southwick
Date of Birth: October 15, 2009
Time of Birth: Just after midday
Birth Weight: 3.95kgs / 8.7lbs

Harry William Southwick - four hours old

Eilidh Sutherland Hodge

My brother Croydon and his wife Fiona gave birth to their first baby girl last night in Nelson Hospital.

We got a txt from Croydon yesterday afternoon saying that Fiona’s water had broke the day before and that they were heading to Nelson to get induced at 4:30pm.
Continue reading Eilidh Sutherland Hodge

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.

"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.

"I don’t know," the doctor replies. "It’s just a hunch."

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong!

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’ And that’s how the fight started…..

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.

Some one liners

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder.

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’.
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’, and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

My Dad used to say ‘always fight fire with fire’, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don’t understand, such as working for a living.

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before

I sponsor a 3 year-old boy in Indonesia, and meaning can become somewhat "skewed" in translation of letters from his parents. In one received recently, his mother told of him climbing a toy stair at playgroup. She went on to say that, "therefore, we have decided to "out" him at playgroup next July! I have been debating whether I should point out to her that Rifki may not appreciate having his parents make such a courageous gesture on his behalf at so tender an age!

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

Yes, Father, it is.

”And who was the girl you were with?”

I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.

‘Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

I cannot say.’ ‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

I’ll never tell.”

Was it Nina Capelli?”

I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

Was it Cathy Piriano?”

My lips are sealed.

”Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”

Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

‘The priest sighs in frustration.

‘You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that.
But you’ve sinned and have to a tone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself’.

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?”

‘4 months vacation and five good leads!!!’

"In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for your liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people." -Tina Fey

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." –Dorothy Parker

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, "We’re supposed to be finding the bludy height of this flagpole, but we don’t have a bluudy ladder." The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches.

Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, "Isn’t that just like a blonde! We need the bludy height and she gives us the bludy length."

An oldie but a goodie

Hung Chow calls into work and says, ‘Hey, I no come work today; I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt; I no come work.’ The boss says, ‘You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.’
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon………You got nice house’

Jasons’ 36th Birthday

Happy Birthday Jason,

Kim, Joshua and I went over to Taupo tonight to celebrate my brothers 36th birthday. We went out for dinner at a place called ‘On tap’ which may not have been too baby friendly, as they didn’t have a high chair. But not to worry as Jason had checked that prior to us leaving Rotorua, so we brought our own along.
We had an awesome evening and enjoyed our lovely steak dinners. Jason and I both had the 1kg rump steak, at only $36 NZ I thought that was a bargain. As a Rotorua restaurant has a 1kg steak available for around $50-$60 NZ. It took me around 25 mins to complete mine and just took just over 30, so the hare won against the tortoise this time…
If you don’t believe me, just check out the photos attached.

Joshua’s 1st Birthday Bash Photos

Well, Joshua’s birthday went really well.

After a year of thrills, chills and spills, Joshua has hit the big 1.0
He has had a pretty enjoyable first year with Kim being at home with him in a full time position, which she has enjoyed.

As our guests turned up, we enjoyed some icy beverages outside and once everyone had turned up, had lunch which comprised of Bacon & egg pie, Buttered chicken with rice, Ham off the bone, Cold chicken, Potato salad, Green salad and Fresh bread rolls. Thank you to my wife and my mother for getting the lunch together as it was an awesome feed. The weather was pretty good, sunny with patches of cloud. It was nice and warm and we pretty much all hung outside on the patio. Joshua enjoyed having “Happy Birthday” sung to him for the first time, and then he proceeded to eat the first pineapple lump off the carefully crafted birthday cake that mum made. We then sat down and Joshua with the help from his dad and friends, opened his gifts from everyone. He had an awesome and and it was great having everyone together for the special occasion.

Later on, we broke out the animal balloon set and started inflating those long skinny balloons that clowns make animals and things out of for kids. It was a bit of a conversational piece as everyone tried twisting and turning the balloons to try and create their own personal masterpiece. There was however very little masterpieces created, but plenty of fun and laughter.

It’s a shame Tim, Pam, Sophie and Lachlan couldn’t make it as Lachlan was sick, but we will all be getting together soon up in Auckland. Jason also couldn’t make it as he had won a fishing trip up north for the weekend.

Have a look at some photos from Joshua’s Birthday below.
NOTE: Sorry about the smudge on the photos, Joshua touched the lens of the camera and I didn’t notice it until tonight.

View Photos

Joshua turns One today!

Well, it’s been one of the quickest years of my life!

Our little boy, Joshua Ethan Hodge, is celebrating his first birthday today, with a party to follow tomorrow.
Should be great celebration with family coming from Auckland, Wellington, and as far away as Punakaiki to celebrate with Joshua.
What a milestone, the big 1.0, Joshua has been such an awesome addition to our life, he is a real joy to interact with, brings a smile to our face anytime we play with him and melts our heart everytime we check on him in bed.

If you’re interested, you can follow Joshua’s life in the photo gallery from day one to the current day. As I’ve uploaded over 120 photos of Joshua from the past year, on average 2 or 3 each week. So sit back, relax and watch Joshua grow before your eyes. Watch Joshua Grow.

Joshua shares his birthday with Hillary Clinton, born in 1947.
Also happening today, Apple is releasing it’s new OS – Mac OS X Leopard.

Read all about the birthday party and see photos here

Update 25th May ’07

Well, on behalf of my family, i just want to thank Alan, Alex and the team here at TUMONZ,
both present and past, for all the great times we’ve shared over the past five years and to
wish them all the best for their endevours in the future.
Check out me filling the staff swimming pool before a Christmas function one year.

Big shout out to both Luke Linnell and Tim Rattray who are both celebrating their birthdays,
turning thirty something (38&37) on Monday the 28th.
Congratulations boys, hope you have a fantastic weekend and your families spoil you rotten.

Joshua is now 7 months old and is weighing in at a healthy 7.8 kgs, he has 6 teeth currently
with another 4 almost coming through. He is a happy go lucky baby who we’ve been blessed with.
Never having to use a pacifier, which we are really happy about. Its been harder for us without any
close family support but I’m extremely proud of the way Kim has handled everything, especially
without the support of a mother (whom past away). Kim is a fantastic mother and I know her mom
would be proud of her.

Kim is also becoming quite the photographer, she has been responsible for most of the new
photos of Joshua you see on Speaking of which, there are 3 new photos of Joshua this week, one of which you can open full-size and print if you wish.

I’d like to thank everyone who replied to me last week with good wishes and thoughts,
I appreciate everything you wrote. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get the funnies to you
next week, but they will come through, rest assured.

May you all have a terrific weekend, eat, drink (and don’t drive) and be merry.
Enjoy this weeks funnies

Update 18th May ’07

Big news from Rotovegas

Well, my time at TUMONZ is drawing to a close…
For those of you who do not know already, I’ve been offered a job working for the Rotorua District Council in the Tourism department as their Web Development Coordinator.
Should be a drastic shock to the system after happily working for TUMONZ for nearly 5 years.
I’ll be concentrating on web design & development, which I’ve been developing after hours and will be able to further my skills in online and email marketing.
So it’s my last week in the office here at TUMONZ next week, and I start at the council on the 28th, the following Monday.

So, what will you be doing there you ask?
Here is a little extract taken from my job description manual.

Position Purpose

  • To effectively administer, maintain and develop Destination Rotorua’s Tourism Marketing external websites.
  • To co-ordinate, support and train internal and external content providers, maintain quality control of content, monitor statistics, promote and develop DRTM’s presence via the web.
  • To explore and develop web-based marketing and revenue opportunities to fullest potential.
  • To develop, administer and maintain DRTM’s internal client management databases.

So Kim and I are very excited about this, but at the same time are sad about leaving TUMONZ, as we have been a part of that happy family team for so long.
Kim and I want to wish TUMONZ all the best for the many years ahead.

In other news,

Joshua is now 6 months, 3 weeks old and has 6 teeth!
Check out the latest 3 photos of Joshua here
He is an awesome little man, we can’t go on and on about it enough.

A big shout out Happy Birthday to the big fella Reg Hawthorne today, he’s celebrating his 33rd birthday today, no doubt there will be Tui flowing freely around at the Hawthorne residence tonight. Hope you have a great day today brother and can explain why we didn’t get an invitation…?

Also a big Happy 24th Birthday to Kate Betteridge on Sunday, our little niece has grown up so fast, and is now married and living in Pinehaven in their own house. Well done Kate, and have a great day on Sunday.

Well, hope that fills your tanks of Hodge gossip for another week.
Enjoy this weeks funnies here

Have a great weekend everyone and we’ll see you all next week for the final funnies from TUMONZ!
Over and out