The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It’s like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.


I always find that the first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest


So good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, sure dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub in Westport in the County Mayo, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!”

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What’s this?" she asked.

"It’s a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It’s for holding up stockings."

"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we’ll use it next Christmas Eve."

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies,

"Only you, Darling – With all the others, I was awake."


"According to the ‘Wall Street Journal’, researchers at Harvard have found an enzyme in the brain that regulates obesity. They said if it wasn’t for our brains, we would all be thin. That’s why supermodels are so skinny." –Jay Leno

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.’" Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

My 8 year old daughter returned to school after a week off due to the earthquake. They were asked to share their stories of the morning of the earthquake. According to her classmate, also aged 8, her father ran out to rescue the dog and the cat leaving her in her bed – where she slept through a 7.1 earthquake and subsequent after-shocks. Not sure how her father will live that one down??!!

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

”Working in customer service at Vision Australia, I received a call from a lady who said she had been diagnosed with something that sounded like ‘immaculate conception’,”
writes Jane, of Enfield. ”After some discussion, we agreed that it was probably macular degeneration, a leading cause of vision loss for people aged over 75. After further discussion about the services we could provide, she agreed to call me back after she talked to her ‘optimist’.

Then there are the calls about the blind dogs … ” Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Mick walks into Paddy’s barn and catches him doing a sexy striptease to a large piece of red machinery.

Mick says "What the hell are you doing Paddy?"

Paddy replies "Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on lately and the therapist recommended that I do something sexy to a tractor." Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

On our way to Perth we dropped Toby off at the kennels (where he was born).

Both Toby’s mum and dad live there and there was also another younger dog that looked exactly like Toby.

Kris commented "That dog looks just like Toby"

The owner replied "Yes, that’s Toby’s half-brother". Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies