Pure Luxury Cruise on Lake Rotoiti, Rotorua

Ever wanted to board a 50+ foot luxury catamaran and sail around Rotorua’s third largest lake?

Well, now thanks to Pure Cruise in Rotorua you can.

This morning, half the staff from my office including myself were lucky enough to get a famil on the luxury 53 foot catamaran that cruises Lake Rotoiti.
Continue reading Pure Luxury Cruise on Lake Rotoiti, Rotorua

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’.

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’. Customer: ‘OK’. Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’. Customer: ‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK.
Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’ Customer:
‘No’. Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’. Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’ Caller: ‘Yes.
That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’

What do you call a Woolworths that has burnt down?


If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat tinned pork because of swine flu, ignore it …………it’s just spam

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower – Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve’s wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

"Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Steve’s widow’."

She said, "No, I’m not a widow!"

And I said, "I bet you a case of beer you are."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions,’ he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.’

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.’

He turned to the third Mom, Kathy: ‘Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’

At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Lets pick Willy up from school and go home.

‘There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage

One morning a crippled man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.

An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.

"Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"

"Flat on his back over by the holy water," the boy informed him.

"At the White House the other night, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a night of poetry and music featuring musicians, authors and poets, to which President Bush said, ‘Now, that’s torture.’" –Jay Leno

Although desperate to find work, I passed up a job I found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."

A child’s prayer

Dear God, Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy’s computer…… Amen

"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life–so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." –Matt Cartmill

An echidna trained to scuttle from guest to guest makes an unusual mobile cheese, kabana and pineapple cube nibble dispenser at cocktail parties.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Corruption is a crime.
Crime doesn’t pay. So if you keep studying you’ll go broke!

A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand pounds, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’ ‘Really,’ answered the neighbour . ‘What kind is it?’ ‘Twelve thirty.’

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

52 things you would love to say out loud at work

  1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t.
  2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
  3. How about never? Is never good for you?
  4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
  6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
  7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
  9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
  10. Ahhhh. I see the f***-up fairy has visited us again.
  11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
  12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a sh*t.
  14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  18. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
  19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
  20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
  21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  23. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
  24. Do I look like a f****** people person to you?
  25. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
  27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  30. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
  31. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different………
  32. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
  33. Can I swap this job for what’s behind door ……….1?
  34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  35. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
  36. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
  37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  38. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
  39. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent.
  40. Wait a minute – I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  41. Aren’t you a black hole of need.
  42. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
  43. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
  44. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
  45. If you have something to say raise your hand………then place it over your mouth.
  46. I’m too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
  47. Don’t let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.
  48. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
  49. You’re not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
  50. You are as pretty as a picture, I’d really like to hang you.
  51. Don’t believe everything you think.
  52. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no-one caring. 

Last Day working for TUMONZ tomorrow

Well, my time at Management Technology Systems Limited has finally drawn to a close and it’s been a wonderful time.
Creators of the fine New Zealand mapping product, TUMONZ.
I started here back in June of 2002 when we were still shipping out TUMONZ version 1.

Since then, we have developed the product much more and we are now up to version 3.
I was given the title of Webmaster and Data Manager. I was in charge of all the Data Sets that came through the door from LINZ or Aerial Photos from city councils. Since starting I’ve created the TUMONZ brand identity and redesigned their website twice.

It’s been a really awesome time here at TUMONZ, there is such an awesome relaxed fibe in the office.
I’ve learnt heaps about the IT industry while I’ve been here, especially since I finished my Certificate in Business Computing at Waiariki Polytechnic in November 2001. Since I’ve been developing my web design skills after hours with Hodgeman Web & Design, I’ve become more interested it that sector or the IT industry and really feel this is a great step forward in my career.

I’ll miss the friendly team environment I’ve got so used to over the years, but I’m sure moving on to a larger team will bring it’s rewards.

I want to wish Alan & Alex (Directors) and all the team at TUMONZ the best of luck for the future developments.
It’s been a real pleasure working for you and I wanted to thank you for this unique opportunity for working for such a great company.

Update 18th May ’07

Big news from Rotovegas

Well, my time at TUMONZ is drawing to a close…
For those of you who do not know already, I’ve been offered a job working for the Rotorua District Council in the Tourism department as their Web Development Coordinator.
Should be a drastic shock to the system after happily working for TUMONZ for nearly 5 years.
I’ll be concentrating on web design & development, which I’ve been developing after hours and will be able to further my skills in online and email marketing.
So it’s my last week in the office here at TUMONZ next week, and I start at the council on the 28th, the following Monday.

So, what will you be doing there you ask?
Here is a little extract taken from my job description manual.

Position Purpose

  • To effectively administer, maintain and develop Destination Rotorua’s Tourism Marketing external websites.
  • To co-ordinate, support and train internal and external content providers, maintain quality control of content, monitor statistics, promote and develop DRTM’s presence via the web.
  • To explore and develop web-based marketing and revenue opportunities to fullest potential.
  • To develop, administer and maintain DRTM’s internal client management databases.

So Kim and I are very excited about this, but at the same time are sad about leaving TUMONZ, as we have been a part of that happy family team for so long.
Kim and I want to wish TUMONZ all the best for the many years ahead.

In other news,

Joshua is now 6 months, 3 weeks old and has 6 teeth!
Check out the latest 3 photos of Joshua here
He is an awesome little man, we can’t go on and on about it enough.

A big shout out Happy Birthday to the big fella Reg Hawthorne today, he’s celebrating his 33rd birthday today, no doubt there will be Tui flowing freely around at the Hawthorne residence tonight. Hope you have a great day today brother and can explain why we didn’t get an invitation…?

Also a big Happy 24th Birthday to Kate Betteridge on Sunday, our little niece has grown up so fast, and is now married and living in Pinehaven in their own house. Well done Kate, and have a great day on Sunday.

Well, hope that fills your tanks of Hodge gossip for another week.
Enjoy this weeks funnies here

Have a great weekend everyone and we’ll see you all next week for the final funnies from TUMONZ!
Over and out