The Fabulous Friday Funnies

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’"

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.

They tested him.

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"

"It’s mating season," the keeper replies. "They’re inside."

"Do you think they’d come out for peanuts?"

Moving up in the world

Well, I’m certainly moving up in world, not up the corporate ladder, but physically up in our office, to the third floor.

My new office is the highest room in our entire building, right underneath the clock. So all day long I hear the ticking of the clock.

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your rubbish bin On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone is Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your cheques, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’
7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The Prophecy.’
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go.’
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Have Your colleagues address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!, I Won!’
17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The car park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!’
18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’