How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your rubbish bin On Your Desk And Label It ‘In.’
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone is Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your cheques, Write ‘For Smuggling Diamonds’
7. Finish All Your sentences with ‘In Accordance With The Prophecy.’
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go.’
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Have Your colleagues address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!, I Won!’
17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The car park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!’
18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

Man Rules – for Woman

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. ( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)

We always hear ‘the rules’ From the female side …Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

• Men are NOT mind readers.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Sunday sports: It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides… Let it be.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
  Subtle hints do not work!
  Strong hints do not work!
  Obvious hints do not work!
  Just say it!

• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
• If you think you’re fat, you probably are.Don’t ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
• You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
• Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
• If it itches, it will be scratched..We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.
• Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball ormotor sports
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this, Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh