Fabulous Friday Funnies

A father and his young son were out walking one afternoon when the youngster asked how the electricity went through the wires stretched between the telephone poles.

"Don’t know," said the father. "Never knew much about electricity."

A few blocks father on the boy asked what caused lightning and thunder.

"To tell the truth," said the father, "I never exactly understood that myself."

The boy continued to ask questions throughout the walk, none of which the father could explain. Finally, as they were nearing home, the boy asked, "Pop, I hope you don’t mind my asking so many questions…"

"Of course not", replied the father. "How else are you going to learn?"

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

A little girl walks into her parents’ bathroom and notices for the First time, her father’s nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn’t have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"

Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God’s Apples of Life. Without them we wouldn’t be here."

Puzzled, she seeks out her mummy and tells her what daddy has said.

To which mummy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they’re hanging from?"

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60′s group The Monkees. I thought she was joking……..And then I saw her face …

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My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches….. you should have seen his little face light up when he tried to walk on a matchbox!

Fabulous Friday Funnies

A true anecdote

As we hurried out of the airport, I asked my partner to pick up a box of chocolates for Father’s Day while I collected the car. She picked up one already gift-wrapped. My 90-year-old father unwrapped this and opened the box to be greeted by chocolate figurines in all sorts of weird and compromising positions. This was the Kama Sutra chocolate collection. Beware!

Dad was flattered.

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"A new study found out that having money and good looks does not make you happy. On the other hand, being broke and ugly is no day at the beach either." -Jay Leno

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SOME RESULTS OF THE USA RECESSION

• C E O’s are now playing mini golf.
• I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
• If the Bank returns your cheque ‘insufficient funds’ you call themand ask if it’s you or them.
• Parents in Beverley Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
• A picture is now worth only 200 words
• Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

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There was a very gracious lady who was posting an old family Bible to her brother in another State.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the officer.
"Only the Ten Commandments" she replied

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True story

I was out at the shops with four year old granddaughter when she informed me with astonishment that she had seen a man with one leg. Conversation as follows:

Me: Yes, that happens to some people.

Grandaughter: Why does he only have one leg?

Me: I don’t know – maybe he had an accident or something…

Granddaughter (triumphantly): Yes, and his leg fell off !!

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A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.

"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.

"You can’t! I’ll die!" retorts the blonde.

"I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.

"I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!"

The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".

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"My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I can…she’s always on my back." –Scott Wood

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A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense".

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn’t know you were into earrings."

"Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

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Some short jokes

A friend of mine became that upset with the Australian Taxation Office that he wrote to them to cancel his subscription and have his name removed from their mailing list.

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Do paediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

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A group of terrorists took a building full of lawyers hostage and threatened to release one every hour if their demands were not met.

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A young lad from a prominent private school was caught shop lifting and the police were called. Do you know who my father is yelled the lad? The shop assistant lent over the counter and said, have you tried asking your mother?

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George said that he stays away from natural foods because at his age he needs all the preservatives he can get.

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Patrick had all his electrical cords shortened to save on electricity.

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The clever Scotsman only borrowed money from pessimists as they don’t expect to get it back.

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English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

• "He swept the rug under the carpet."
• "She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends."
• "It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
• "It’s time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
• "She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper."
• "He’s up a tree without a paddle."
• "Beware my friend…you are skating on hot water."
• "Keep your ear to the grindstone."
• "Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
• "Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."

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After a long retirement from films and singing Roy Rogers was staging a comeback. The performance had been arranged, the venue ready and the rehearsals were over. Roy was dressed in his performance gear and the audience was streaming in. Roy was dressed and almost ready to go on, but missing one of his boots. Panic Stations ! ! All the stage – hands were pressed into help. Eventually one of them discovered a cat underneath a chair who was chewing into the boot. The helper who discovered the cat burst into song and –

‘Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoe?’

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Q: What are dog biscuits made from?
A: Collie flour.

Q: What did the salt say to the pepper?
A: "Hey, what’s shaking?"

Q: What has two horns and goes, "Oom, Oom?"
A: A cow walking backwards.

Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the Eighth.

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Patricia’s sister was in hospital this week and was looking for some Christmas cheer in the sick room. She asked her hubby to track down the classic movie “Miracle on 34th Street” on DVD.

Sometime later he returned with what he thought she had asked for… “Nightmare on Elm Street”’ When challenged he said he knew it had “street” in the title…