The Fabulous Friday Funnies

I was out walking with my 4-year-old daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
‘Why?’ my daughter asked.
‘Because it’s been on the ground; you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, And probably has germs,’ I replied. Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

"Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year- olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that’s why."
-Craig Ferguson


The first time I met my wife, she was an intense aerobics instructor at my health club and I was an out-of-shape new member. After one grueling workout, I gasped, "This is really helping me get toned." She looked me up and down. Feeling self-conscious, I added, "Big men run in my family." Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?"

"You shall know tonight", he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. She found a book entitled Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies,

"Only you, Darling – With all the others, I was awake."


"According to the ‘Wall Street Journal’, researchers at Harvard have found an enzyme in the brain that regulates obesity. They said if it wasn’t for our brains, we would all be thin. That’s why supermodels are so skinny." –Jay Leno

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

My 8 year old daughter returned to school after a week off due to the earthquake. They were asked to share their stories of the morning of the earthquake. According to her classmate, also aged 8, her father ran out to rescue the dog and the cat leaving her in her bed – where she slept through a 7.1 earthquake and subsequent after-shocks. Not sure how her father will live that one down??!!

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

”Working in customer service at Vision Australia, I received a call from a lady who said she had been diagnosed with something that sounded like ‘immaculate conception’,”
writes Jane, of Enfield. ”After some discussion, we agreed that it was probably macular degeneration, a leading cause of vision loss for people aged over 75. After further discussion about the services we could provide, she agreed to call me back after she talked to her ‘optimist’.

Then there are the calls about the blind dogs … ” Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies

The Fabulous Friday Funnies

Volcano jokes

  • Sorry for the flight delays, Europe. We were aiming for London, but it’s hard to be accurate when firing a volcano
  • There’s no pleasing the English. The last time they got the Ashes they were over the moon
  • Iceland goes bankrupt, then manage to set their island on fire. Insurance scam written all over it
  • I think it’s too soon to make jokes about the Icelandic volcano…we should at least wait until the dust settles
  • Time for the USA to attack Iceland for possessing weapons of mass disruption
  • The last wish of the Icelandic economy was to have its ashes scattered over Europe

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The Fabulous Friday Funnies

I was reading one morning when my husband came in very upset and asked me if I thought he had put on a lot of weight since last winter. I asked him why he wanted to know. He groaned that he couldn’t get anywhere near fitting his jeans over his hips, much less getting them zipped up.
When I looked up from my book I exploded with laughter. He was trying to put on my jeans!

Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies